


Infinite Reasons

by InsaneJul



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Confessions, Friendship, M/M, Requited Unrequited Love, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:10:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8216221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJul/pseuds/InsaneJul
Summary: There are always more reasons not to do something than to do it.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Karkiitiie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karkiitiie/gifts).



> Written in like 30 minutes for my amazing friend and roommate Sam. Have this tiny piece of shit I wrote for her. Tried to make it less painful than most of my fics, but, uh...  
> Well I tried.

There are always more reasons not to do something than to do it. Simmons is sure this is true, because mathematically, there are a finite number of reasons to do something, but infinite reasons not to. Right? 

Anyway, he’s always got a better reason not to tell Grif how he feels about him than to do it. Generally, it’s related to attempting to stay alive while they’re hunted down by some villain of the week, he doesn’t know. Not dying is more important than expressing undying love, isn’t it? He’s pretty damn sure it is. There’s always something else to do, something more important to do. Besides, there’s no guarantee the fatass would listen to him long enough to understand what he wants to say. There are always reasons not to do it.

Simmons is pretty sure, even if they didn’t have some serious surviving to do before expressing deep shit, he still wouldn’t say anything. He and Grif are just too different, a relationship would be…well hell, who even said anything about a relationship? Where’s the guarantee that his friend even feels the same way? He probably doesn’t. Why would he?

Like he’s done a million times before, Simmons attempts to assess the criteria of deserving love. He used to in order to try and prove to himself that he was worth loving at all. It never worked quite as well as he wanted, and besides, he knows there’s no one set rule for why you love someone. You just do. Hell, that’s the only explanation for why he loves Grif. It certainly isn’t his smile, or his sincerity, or his courage, or his caring nature…

While watching Grif scream at Donut for eating the last of the Oreos, he goes through the criteria in his mind again, trying to come up with a reason why anyone would love that apathetic designated driver. Because he certainly doesn’t. He knows what he said before, but he really doesn’t, he _doesn’t_ …ah, fuck.

When you stop to ask yourself why anyone would love you, you never get a great answer. Simmons never does, so he stopped asking long ago. They’re always too busy to be together anyway, so what does it really matter? He’s always with Grif anyway. It’s enough, he thinks. He doesn’t really need any more than this.

 

There are always more reasons not to do something than to do it.

Grif lives by this principle. Doing things means, you know, doing them. And to do shit, you gotta get up, move around, expend energy…who the hell wants to do that?

Well, Simmons wants to do that. Simmons always wants to do shit. He’ll never really understand that. But there’s a million reasons to not bother with trying to tell him he loves him. There’s always something else for them to do, you know? Fight an evil AI, get executed by their own team members, attack a rogue freelancer, save a planet. Grif thinks he does way too much shit. Why should he bother himself with one more thing?

And besides, how do you even start something like that? “Hey, I know we stand next to each other every single day and we have for like years now, but I just wanted to say I’d like to stand a lot closer, if you know what I mean…what I’m trying to say is…fuck.” and that’s always how it ends. He’s never really done this before. He’s always had more important things to worry about, mostly Kaikana, if he’s being honest. He’s never had to give a shit about doing things for himself. All that mattered was keeping himself alive enough to take care of her. But ever since the army, he’s had nothing to do with himself. Now he has Simmons. Fucking Simmons. Well, he’s not doing _that_ , not that he wouldn’t want to…

It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s not like Simmons would want him. No one has before, so why start now? What would make Simmons any different from everyone else? It’s not like he makes any particular effort. All he ever does is antagonize Simmons until he starts thinking the cyborg might just choke him to death with his metal hand. No, Simmons wouldn’t feel that way about him. But is it that important to have those feelings out there? Is it that important to have them reciprocated?

Either way, he’s going to have Simmons by his side, so he doesn’t need to care that the other soldier doesn’t know. That’s enough. They’ve been together since basic training; for years now, they’ve been together and stayed together. They’ve stared down death together. And hey, once you do that with someone, you’re bonded for life. At this point, he’s gone through so much with Simmons, he’s sure they’ll just stay together.

Nothing could pull them apart now. Right?

 


End file.
